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Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The Girls' Guide To Dating Zombies - Lynn Messina

Title: The Girls' Guide To Dating Zombies
Author: Lynn Messina

Format: Ebook provided by CBLS Promotions for review

Hattie Cross knows what you're thinking: Zombie sex? Ewwwww. But she also knows that since a virus turned 99.9999 percent of human males into zombies, it's statistically impossible to meet--let alone date--the remaining 0.00001 percent. So she writes "The GirlsGuide to Dating Zombies" to help her fellow single women navigate the zombie-relationship waters.
Her practical how-to impresses the CEO of the largest drug company in the world, and before she knows it, Hattie, a reporter for a downmarket tabloid that specializes in conspiracy theories, is sitting down with the woman who single-handedly invented the zombie-behavioral-modification market. Granted access to the inner sanctum of zombaceuticals, she meets an actual, living, breathing M-A-N. Now Hattie, the consummate professional, is acting like a single girl at the end of the twentieth century: self-conscious, klutzy and unable to form a coherent sentence without babbling. Worst of all, the human male appears to have impaired her ability to think clearly. Because all of a sudden she's convinced a conspiracy is afoot at the drug company and it seems to go all the way to the top!

This book is crazy.  This book is hilarious.  This book is an alternate universe where the reanimated don’t tear us to shreds, but rather live with us in harmony.  This book is Carrie Bradshaw during an apocalypse outside a bar after getting sauced on black martinis smoking a menthol cigarette beneath a broken out street light.  I loved it!

So the year is 2020. The H1Z1 variant Y zombie virus has come along and wiped out nearly the entire male species.  Yep, this virus turns only those with the Y chromosome into the “reliving”.  Sure, there are some men, actual living men left.  About 300,000 of them worldwide.  So yeah, take your pick, right?

Hattie Cross is a journalist.  Well, she rights a column for the Scoopage and has turned it into a book, The Girls’ Guide To Dating Zombies. According to Hattie, women can now date zombies.  Modern medication has made it possible.  All hail pharmaceuticals!

Seriously, this book is a fun book.  There’s a bit of satire in it, which just makes it awesome.  You will learn new terms like Zombitrex, Zombreeze, Zombolay WearRepair Serum, Zombie Breezulator 2600 and many more!  What?  You’re not hooked yet?

How about this – zombies are more perhaps a better suitor to us than men!  Granted, they are still way into football; so much that there is a channel devoted to showing only football.  But now they like to dance, listen to you, and best of all – they like shoes.  Oh yeah!  Not just wearing them, or seeing them on you, but honest to goodness shopping for shoes!!!!!!!!

                “Choosing a boyzomb comes down to two factors: appearance and personality.  Ideally, you want to look for one who has retained fifty percent of his facial feature, which is to say at least one eye and half a nose.  Limb retention is also important.  Arms are optional, but legs are vital if you want to retain any semblance of an independent life.”

I really enjoyed this book.  It was light and fun,  a fresh breeze of a story with Hattie’s life interspersed with chapters from her own book, The Girls’ Guide To Dating Zombies.  She is funny and impulsive at time.  And when she meets an actual living, breathing man named Jake, hilarity ensues.

Maybe I have been regarding the zombie apocalypse all wrong.  Maybe we don’t need to train and learn how to use weapons.  Maybe we don’t need to evacuate to colder climes.  Maybe everything will be ok.  Maybe rehabilitation and medication are the answer.

Seriously, if you want an entertaining read, then this book is definitely for you.  I urge you to give it a try.  Read it with an open mind, and be ready to giggle, chortle, guffaw, laugh, and maybe even shoot your beverage of choice out your nose.  Enjoy!


Lynn Messina grew up on Long Island and studied English at Washington University in St. Louis. She has worked at the Museum of Television & Radio (now the Paley Center for Media), TV Guide, In Style, Rolling Stone, Fitness, ForbesLife, Self, Bloomberg Markets and a host of wonderful magazines that have long since disappeared. She mourns the death of print journalism in New York City, where she lives with her husband and sons. She is author of six novels, including the best-selling Fashionistas, which has been translated into 15 languages.